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| I left Africa with the intention of arriving somewhere. Now I realize
the obvious fact; I will never finally arrive somewhere as long as I'm
living here on earth. Which is why I'm changing xanga yet again! Since
I'm not in Galmi, and my old xanga is just riddled with stupid entries
that aren't thought through and/or dedicated to God in thanksgiving.
Since I am in development and I am learning, my xanga is now moved to
xanga.com/developmentation
which is a mouthful but developmentation is a pretty fun word to type or say.
Thanks again for reading of my time in Galmi this summer. Now onto Winston-Salem. And then onto ?
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| I'm leaving Galmi.
I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave.
I am very unsatisfied with my time here. I feel like I have been jipped of so much. Many of the other STAs had experiences I have only dreamed of (such as making surgical cuts in surgery, assisting in baby deliveries, stitching up the skin, working with Dr. Don Townsend for days on end etc.) I feel like I wasn't all that useful here. And I want to stay longer, even just one day, to get "what I deserve" and to beg for what I don't deserve. I want to get even one more chance to be sterile in surgery room, to do something amazing here. But the truth is, I need to go. Because what I want, I will never get, unless I leave.
I want to be the surgeon. I want to be the doctor examining true people who are in need of help and compassion. I want to be the one giving drugs appropriately instead of filling in the tablet bag. I want to hold the scalpel and cauterizer. I want to teach about health and how to save a babies life. I want to be the "third year med student" who is having hands on experience. And I can't do ANY of those things without going back to America. So I do want to go back to America, it's just hard to leave. I want to give food to the hungry, teach the uneducated, and heal the sick. I have a passion to do these things. I have a passion.
God has given me what I came here to find. Passion. Direction. Purpose and an idea of how to serve Him at Wake and how to use that education for His future glory. Please pray for me as I continue in this journey. I'm sorry I didn't put up many pictures. I'm sorry I wasn't very descriptive of what exactly my days were filled with. But I hope you got a picture of what my heart was and is now filled with.
I wish I were finished, in a way. I wish I could say "I'm done! Everything is complete! I've learned everything I need to know!" But, that will never happen on this earth. I think I have seen some discoveries this summer in my journey and wisdom that I hope to never let go of.
The last two paragraphs ended with prepositions.
Thanks for reading.
Chris | | |
| Today I arose early, at 6:40 AM, to the telephone ringing. Priscille was calling me, as I asked her to, to make sure I was coming to her "goodbye party," so to speak. I went over and we all chatted and said brief goodbyes as she climbed into the car heading to Niamey.
Then I bummed around, eating a bite of an apple, checking my mail, until 7:45 AM. Then I went to B ward to watch two doctors, named Chuck and Silke, make rounds. I prayed for compassion as I entered the hospital. I saw the malnourished children and I felt it. I wanted to take pictures, but I didn't have the heart. Tommy took a couple. Then this one year old baby that weighed 3 kilos (instead of the desired 9) had a really unnoticeable (to ME anyway) infection on her left wrist. Apparently she had an IV there last time in the hospital and it became infected. I looked away to see something in the hospital and when I turned back Chuck was startled by a couple teaspoons of puss coming out of her wrist. I did not expect to see that at all. I started feeling queasy so I left the ward and sat down outside to get some fresh air. I was embarrassed to have gotten sick. A couple minutes later I went back inside. They had moved on to another patient. Suddenly, Silke called me over to see a man who was convulsing on the ground. He stopped. Chuck started explaining something to me but I started feeling dizzy. He kept talking so I didn't want to just walk away. He paused and I mumbled "I need to go the bathroom." I started walking but I couldn't see very well. I felt a bed for balance and tried to keep walking, I didn't realize I was completely blind. Then I walked into a wall. A translator said "Chris?!" and someone was holding me. I said "I can't see anything." Then I guess I fell down. And it was dark. And I was kind of dreaming. Then I woke up. It felt like a long time, but it was just seconds. They carried me to a bed. And then there was Tommy smiling down on me eating peanuts. He offered me some and I took them. I felt really good when I woke up. Really pleasant. Then, slowly, different people trailed in to check me out. It was pretty humorous. I remember as I fell down thinking "Oh no! The doctors already have patients, and now I'm another one to deal with!" hahahahah...
There isn't another place in the entire world that I would rather faint in more than Galmi hospital. :)
So then I ate the apple I had started, and a bounty bar (thanks). I took at 30 min nap on the pharmacy floor at 10:00 AM.
Also, I made an excel sheet today for the pharmacy that will really help! I was excited to be able to help, truly help, in this way.
Love.
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| I want to let you all know, ALL of you, that I love you and appreciate you in this world so much. As ironically stupid this statement is on such a broad spectrum, the Lord has uniquely created you and fashioned you and it is a privilege to see you on your individual journeys. Thank you for letting me a part of each of your lives. And thank God, the Master Planner.
SPEAKING of God being a Master Planner, I want to update you all on my feelings of GUILT about being FILTHY RICH and having HEAPS OF OPPORTUNITIES within my short 19 years:
I was talking to my friend Priscille (who is leaving tomorrow)
about Black Forest Academy. She grew up in a very tough village in
french speaking Switzerland, all of whom were Catholics that threw her
in cow poop and were horribly mean. She said that she learned so much
even though it was hard. She wasn't convinced that a Christian bubble
would be a good community to grow up in. I told her that God wants her
to be a certain way, a certain woman. And He grew her in that Suisse setting
to make her that certain way. And God wants me to be a certain way, a
certain type of man for Him. And He used a Christian environment to do
that, and my history is part of me and God is glorified. I started
crying when I was talking because God revealed something to me. All the
guilt over my past, over the love from my family, the food I ate every
night and day, the warm bed to sleep in, all that guilt is STUPID
because God gave me all of that to make me a certain way to glorify Him
and be a certain type of Man For Him. I have more peace now. And I am
thankful for your love and support. I know that all sounds trite, stupid and cheesy, but it hit me in my heart and gives me the peace of Christ, that He ACTUALLY LOVES ME and has a strong and Holy hand in my life.
By the
way, right now I'm in the pharmacy. The electricity JUST went off so
the bugs are coming onto the computer screen operating on a backup
system. I'm here at the pharmacy (at 10 PM) because I had to RUN over
here to unlock it to get a Snake Anti Venom injection for a boy that
came into the ER with snake bite. This was the best trip to the
pharmacy ever! Actually today was quite awesome because the pace is
really picking up before I leave, to teach Moira EVERYTHING I know.
Now, compassion. I'm rereading Henri Nouen's The Way to the Heart and I'm learning that solitude breeds, yes like a dog in heat breeds puppies, or like a filthy swamp breeds mosquitoes, compassion. I've already learned that compassion is VITAL to being a doctor for me. Thus, to be a doctor, I must have solitude. Solitude that changes me, that is hard. Solitude where I face my anger and greed and pray for God's grace. And within that solitude I will focus on my own sins and God's grace which abounds to me. Then I will not see other's sin. I will not judge. Instead, I will see their pain, their hurt, their longing for love, TRUE LOVE that comes from Christ. So... solitude. THIS, my friends, is why I might draw away and not come to a party. Please encourage me towards solitude, so that firmly standing on the Rock of Christ, I can help others from the shipwreck of society at Wake, at BFA, at Galmi, at wherever. Amen. (all info and metaphors taken from Nouen :) .. except the similes. I made those two beauties up myself.)
Love you all. AND please pray for me. I feel like I'm going through a lot of spiritual warfare. I am thankful to God that my brothers and sisters around the world are sharing in such battles. Please let me know when you win to encourage me! :)
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| The new born breathes air for the first time.
He looked dead before but now alive.
Breath, or spirit, came into him.
And he started crying.
The beautiful birth tells me Something Eternal is in the air.
That guides and directs life
Through creation, or evolution, or whatever --
But It must be God.
The baby's cry, "I'm here!" remains for the hour.
When exactly did he become a person?
At first breath? at first word?
Or nine months prior?
And when would brushing his matter aside be not only physically but ethically sticky?
9, 6, 3 months ago?
Did he get a soul at first breath?
When did he become a human?
God's guiding presence still lingers - forever.
I suppose He does not see time, need time, have time
And we would do well to not prevent, prolong, or terminate
Any thing, any person, or any matter in His plans for man.
Or babies.
Or fetuses.
Or whatever. | | |
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